squirmi-squirmi-squirmi-squirmi, (duh-duhn…) squirmi-squirmi-squirmi-squirmi… (guitar)

Whenever I book flowers for work, there is one at the very bottom called “Flowering Planter 7in Ass”. For years now I’ve laughed every time.

Did the scientists at least think the worms were getting better on the drums?

Being an entomologist would be sweet as hell. You walk into the lab on a Tuesday morning and Jerry, a gray-bearded researcher with spectacles and a friendly demeanor is like, “Hey, come over here, Kevin. Come look at this bug.”, and you go over there and see the coolest fucking bug.

Are there any new developments with the UAP hearings? Have we made any progress? Kicked down any doors? I assumed it just fizzled out and we would never get answers.

redditors be like “r/thathappened…”

Bigger, hornier tigers.

It was likely a permanent Sharpee marker. Hopefully it holds up. Fingers crossed that I’m able to return there as a ghost one day to watch someone unearth what they believed was a map to the family treasure.

It’s been a few years but I don’t remember that at all, but I’d be interested to see if I’m bothered by it on a re-watch.

There’s a phenomenal French horror series on Netflix called Marianne that my wife and I enjoyed immensely. I don’t usually shoot for that particular brand of horror (demon/ghost), but Marianne is fucking excellent. Can’t recommend it enough.

The masses know nothing of the crunch. They’ve never even been to the crunch.

My brother and I put a corked glass bottle down in an old defunct drainage pipe beneath my parents’ house. This pipe/canal is quite large and isn’t obstructed by the bottle, and the bottle can clearly be seen by peering into a hole in the cement of the basement storage room. Inside of that bottle is a carefully folder paper bearing on it a crude drawing of a cock and balls.

I used to be over 350 lbs. with long, thin, greasy hair and a very pale complexion. My nose isn’t long, but it’s a bit pointy. Probably had dark eye sockets if I’m being honest about my health at the time. Anyway, my friend’s brother stood in front of me when we were sitting around drunk, and said “No offense, but you look like the Penguin (from Batman) right now.” Then went on to try to make that sound less offensive by suggesting it was just the lighting or the angle or something. But I knew what he was talking about. He was absolutely right. I never felt worse about myself.

Thankfully I lost all that weight over a decade ago. Shaved my head, got healthier, grew a beard, and had what my wife calls a tremendous glow-up. But I used to be the Penguin… So you should watch out.

Good & Plenty and Mike and Ikes.

This is me any time my wife comes home and asks if I want to just order pizza.

I moved to Alberta like eight years ago and I’m still appalled at what passes for good pizza in this province. Someone told me it’s Greek influence, which explains why so many donair places are hailed for having the “best pizza in town”. To the average Albertan, it’s not good pizza unless the crust is five inches thick and incredibly dried-up.

Every stupid phrase that redditors compulsively say on every thread.

Fag evolved into something completely different in the '00s, and was seldomly used to imply homosexuality. I don’t know how it happened, exactly, but it was seemingly repurposed to mean loser/douchebag, just as gay was used to express something being lame. This didn’t stop the words from being offensive, but it was still an interesting change of definition. Obviously they’ve since reverted.

I’ve said this exact thing a dozen times on here. Any time I’d get a reply notification on reddit, I’d go into it prepared for another senseless confrontation. I would fight with so many people on that platform, and I swear it made me an angrier person. Here, I still go into it half expecting the hostility, but replies are always in good spirit and pretty level-headed. I don’t fight with people on Lemmy.