rynzcycle

I’m approaching 40 this year. Around 20, I missed an important uni deadline, and meant the degree I had planned would cost me an extra year I couldn’t afford (like literally couldn’t afford the tuition). Managed to finish, but with a degree no one would recommend. Was absolutely panicked.

Ultimately, ended up very successful in a job in a country on the other side of the world. Met the woman who is now my wife of 13 years, had some amazing adventures, moved to a few more different countries, changed industries again about 10 years ago, and worked my way up to upper management again before leaving that field too.

TL;DR No, stress has brought me nothing but misery, I have no regrets except that I didn’t enjoy the ride as much as I could have.

Learn new stuff as you work, or as hobbies (my entire second career started as a hobby). Don’t be afraid to “fake it till you make it” and keep an eye out for jobs you didn’t even consider as a possibility. I personally avoid corporate gigs, smaller independent companies are more likely to notice you and use you for the skills you bring. Life can fly by, enjoy the ride.

I’d argue running a laptop from the 00s is the least boomer thing to do. Buying a new Macbook every two years while complaining that you don’t have enough money and joking about how you’re spending your kid’s inheritance is the boomer thing to do.

And they make a low track version, basically bigger grains. Our cat drags out considerably less litter now, though some cats might not like the texture on their paws.

That’s awesome. Yeah, definitely a rollercoaster for me, winter gets harder since walking was/is a big part of my routine. But even 25kg must feel great. I love feeling like I’ve kept some of the muscle, but lost a beer keg worth of extra weight every time I climb some stairs or carry something heavy.

At first, solo, very solo. Like I’d even avoid my wife until I felt comfortable, because at my size (was over 300lbs) certain things were embarrassingly difficult. As I lost some, and more importantly found workouts that worked for me, I started venturing out, now I do a lot of group classes (dance stuff mostly). Even though I’m still often the biggest, I feel a lot better about myself overall so I enjoy it and I’ve found some very supportive studios with awesome vibes.

Two ways:
One, it kinda gamified it for me, just having a score, meant I could go for a high score on days when I had the time for lots of steps/exercise. They build some in too, like streaks and hitting goals.

Two, the HR monitor definitely helped me push harder in cardio workouts. Knowing when I hit my max, and when it started dipping made even short workouts feel more effective (even if they weren’t, placebo FTW).

The cheap (est, I think) fitbit. Dropped a 100lbs and it was a big part of the motivation.

Because teaching takes time, kids don’t learn abstract concepts, like social cues, overnight.

Grandma told a funny joke, this is a lighthearted casual situation.
“Great Fucking Joke Grandma!”

It’s not shielding them entirely, it’s waiting until they are old (read:smart) enough to have a good chance of knowing when it’s OK.

I mean, Bartlett, but also James Marshall (Harrison Ford - Air Force One) and Thomas Whitmore (Bill Pullman - ID4).

Wife and I have since established the crotch blanket ™. It’s really just a flat sheet, but we each have our own and take them even when we travel. Keeps your legs and bits from sticking in the heat, and crumpled correctly it supports your knees while you sleep.

Not that weird as an idea, but wish we would have settled on something better than “crotch blanket”.

I’ll disagree with both of you. They both suck pretty hard, but equally. The non-apology at least acknowledges a wrong, but often flips the blame (I’m sorry if YOU feel that way). Whereas no apology leaves you wondering if they even know they did wrong.

Or the newsletter options that are straight up rude…

SIGN ME UP!!!
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no thanks I hate saving money, and myself, and I kick puppies.

Yup, we’re only at 12, but a look is enough, we’re usually thinking the same thing.

But the other additional one, three squeezes, hands, or whatever can be touched without being obvious, is I love you. Seems sweet, but most often used when one of us is getting pissed off (at something/someone else, not each other).

I use it too, but came here to list it as my stupidly slow app also. You literally own AWS, how can a search for “Black T-shirt” take 40 seconds to load?! If you’re going to be an evil corporate monopoly at least be quick about it.

Get a pack of cards and learn some fake shuffles (via YT) then memorize the 673 King Street trick.

ETA a much better performance.

Ditto on the GPP, it’s a life saver for long trips. My go to mobile games:
-Stardew Valley, If it didn’t catch your attention, fair enough, its a litle slow at first, but maybe worth a try since time is a currency you have load of.
-Death Road to Canada, starts stupid hard, so 20h goes quick
-Magic Survival, retro style gameplay, but and addictive gameplay loop
-Mindustry, RTS and open source so free to play no ads or in-app $$
-Every game by Kairosoft, stupid FTP type games, but no ads or in-app purchases with Play Pass. I recommend deleting from your phone when you don’t wanna waste time.
-80 Days, story based choose your own adventure based on “Around the world…” Playing while traveling enhances the experience.
-Blooms TD 5/6. Tower defence and a good GP loop.
-Do not feed the monkey. Great game for anytime, but good for 3-4 hours
-Oxenfree, now free with Netflix, great game for anytime, but another 3-4 hours well spent.

I travel a lot, so some of these are way more “addictive” than “great”, but they keep me sane.

Thanks, that means a lot. I’m doing well now, checking in regularly, but I think the worst is behind me and now I’m looking forward to the rest of my life.

TL;DR You definitely aren’t alone. Basically all of the worst moments of my life were in 2022. It broke me mentally and physically.

BUT… I’m a lot better now, and I’m both surprised and elated how quickly the turn around was.

The Long Version
I took a new job at the start of the year, it was supposedly fewer hours for about the same money, that turned out to be very untrue.

I found myself working 60 hours a week regularly, and maxed at 90 one week. They operated and off-in-lieu instead of paid overtime, so the extra just accumulated, but there was never time to use it.

(For those who would say I did it to myself, you’re absolutely right, I was so wrapped up in other people’s opinions, I never put myself first. This was a key focus of my time with a therapist.)

On top of the never ending stress and 0 work-life boundaries (emails and messages at all hours, all days) there were a few tramatic events (I was mugged, death in the family) and my partner was away for work for a long time so I felt very alone in dealing.

By September 2022, all of my coping strategies were unhealthy, i felt like an anxious powder keg, anything could set off a panic attack and I was sad, deeply sad all the time. I couldn’t figure out why we do this, there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, I quit. I wish I could say my partner was supportive, but I don’t think they realised how close to the edge I was because they were away so often. I had to insist, and just do it. Months later as I started sharing more they realised.

I spent about 4 months struggling, I thought time off would help, but it wasn’t. After a particularly rough (and public) panic attack I made a video doctor appointment.

PTSD, Anxiety, Depression. Having a diagnosis helped a lot. This was real and I didn’t need to tough it out.

They put me on a low-dose SSRI and set up CBT (congnative behavioural [talk] therapy). My therapy was over the phone, the only option covered by my wife’s insurance. At first, my therapist seemed too eager, too happy, but she adjusted once I started sharing. Talking to someone with an understanding and empathy made such a huge difference right away.

We tackled my need to please everyone, but more importantly the ineffectiveness of “worry”. Specifically hypothetical worries, things that haven’t happened and might not. We identified my behaviour loops and found small ways to break them, building new core beliefs. Life wasn’t always hard. Happiness can be found. I am important.

I finished my last appointment this week. Insurance would have covered 3 more, but her and I both agreed I didn’t need it. After 3 months my self identity had completely changed, I am now often time the person talking others (my partner, my mother) down from their worries. I ask for the things I need from other people, I ask for help.

There is still work to be done, adventures to chase and experiences to have. I’m being weaned off the SSRIs and I plan to start work again in the next few months.

This is just my story, everyone’s is different. But you are not alone, so many of us have been there and it can get better.

ETA: on the physical side, I’ve just got my bloodwork back with an all clear. I need to eat better and exercise more, but no lasting damage. My back is still pretty messed up, but the doc says it’s just muscular, so I’ll do my daily stretching and it should improve with time.

Taking any form of public transportation. The sheer noise and bustle is way too much for me without headphones and a good playlist.

Like many imaginary worries (something that could, but hasn’t happened) the answer to how do I avoid this 100% isn’t just, “you can’t” but rather, “you shouldn’t”.

Imagine the similar question, “how do I make sure that there is zero chance of being harmed in a terror attack?” While the consequences are dire, the chances are very low, and the costs of avoiding it completely are far to high.

And this scales with the level of risk and consequences:

• do wear a seatbelt, don’t avoid all vehicles
• do check travel safety warnings, don’t avoid all travel
• do stay off social media while on booze and ambian, don’t lock yourself in a windowless cabin with no electricity

Ultimately, it’s (getting cancelled, rejected en mass, etc.) a new and very visable fear in the 21st century, but like a long list of worries, spending time trying to solve something that hasn’t and likely won’t happen, is a waste of our limited years here. Be a good(ish) person, live your life and IF rejection happens, do your best to deal with it as it comes.