- tried to stay positive, then misfortune strikes
- tried making friends, ended up ghosted
- tried looking for better job, then scammed
- tried save money, inflation happens
- tried sell product online, fees and tax cut, also less buyers.
- tried theraphy, the solution only dont think about it, its okay (if only it was that easy)
- tried being nice, taken advantage of
- tried being honest, get hatred
- tried religion, yet god let million of nice person suffers
- tried sleep, need regular medication
- tried work hard, ended up surgery and years of rehabilitation
at this point, i am so tired with whatever i do, it always doesnt work.
right now i can relate why some people choose to become evil person, because being good and nice person in this world is just not as rewarding as bad people does. even those people who ghosted and bullied me ended up becoming rich and succesful, and here i am struggle everyday. life is really unfair world.
Being nice is an act of rebellion in a cold, uncaring world. If it is your nature to try to do good, don’t let other people not being there yet stop you being yourself.
unfortunately there is limit for it, i am already at the point i am so tired of being nice.
Many of us feel that way sometimes, I have even recently felt that way after a couple of extremely rough years relating to a couple of friends who have needed a lot of support of various kinds (please forgive me, I would much rather not be specific with any of this, not my stories to tell and not the place to tell them).
Then another situation calls for it (I had a big one just today, possibly even the biggest ever one off example, for the sake of an ex no less- although I was furious until I spoke to them about it all, in truth) and I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.
The reward; although I feel a little dirty calling it a reward; is that when someone needed help they actually got it instead of just getting fucked over for the nth time. I don’t care if my impact is limited or even meaningless, ultimately so am I, and it wasn’t to me.
If you don’t feel like that, that’s okay, you took the step to try anyway and I genuinely respect that. You don’t have to give all of yourself, take a step back and look after yourself when you need it, but the world could always do to be a softer place when you feel ready again!
yeah i dont feel that unfortunately, i feel that is wasted time and energy tbh. i doubt world is softer place, in fact i feel it getting harder.
Honestly, it sounds like you might be depressed, but if so I get that too. For the people you helped it got softer, it doesn’t have to directly relate to ourselves to be better.
i am indeed depressed, i even need medication to deal with it.
That’s fair, then if these things are negatively impacting you, which it sounds like they are, there is definitely no shame in stepping back or finding other ways to engage, or whatever works best for you.
I really never liked the idea of medication (for myself I mean, different people need different things), the idea of a medical intervention to a rational response to external realities just feels like burying my head in the sand. The three times I have seriously tried them despite this only reaffirmed it to me, they never actually solved anything, they just numbed me into only passively caring.
Instead I sort of drag myself through, getting by on the occasional chances I get to let someone not have to worry about those external realities that chafe against me so badly for once.
I hope that is expressed clearly enough for you to make some more sense of my perspective on all of this.
Happy to talk further if you would like to, but I would prefer via message rather than openly if I am/we are going to go into any real detail about anything.
sure i will message you then