Grooming them for parasites is probably a good start.

Meerkat mobs are led by a dominant female. She’s identifiable by looking for the biggest butt.

The last good Alien movie, unfortunately.

When I was a boy and walking to the bus stop in winter to get to school, I used to stomp on frozen puddles to break the skin of ice. They don’t freeze any more.

Well, I was born here and I like it here. I’m using the heater because it’s late autumn and I leave the house at 6 AM. It’ll never get below freezing.

Getting colder by the day. I need my car heater for the drive to work.

I’m writing this from the most easterly country west of the dateline. Time zone GMT+12. It will be Friday here before anywhere else. It’s still Wednesday.

Not having kids. I have hobbies, and money/time for them.

One of the previous popes called childless couples selfish. I say a never-married 70-year old operating the world’s largest paedophile welfare programme has nothing to say to me about child-rearing.

Using war on foreign soil to kill the firstborn? Hasn’t that been every US president?

Those people who look through insurance forms to find technicalities the company can use to refuse payment.

You mean Marvel, the company that created such notables as:

• Dr Bong, the villain who encased his head in a steel bell?
• Vamp/Animus, the woman with the power to turn into a man? (Or possibly vice versa)
• Starfox, the hero who could psychically activate your brain’s pleasure centre?

Credit where it’s due, they were willing to throw everything at the wall to see what stuck.

I think your friend is stupid and should give up.

kids getting ground up in a mill for playing a prank or getting their thumbs cut off for sucking on them.

That sounds like Struwelpeter. Yeah, quality entertainment there.

It’s so hard to pick just one. They all have their moments.

…except Miss Piggy, who has always annoyed me beyond measure.

Shit. I’ve been conned.

I did it. Elvis paid me to.

I’ve worked with two people who were homeschooled. Both were smart, but well behind in their social development. And just very odd, off-putting people. When one of them wanted your attention, he’d just stand there silently waiting for you to notice him. Sometimes you’d turn around and there he was. The other proudly announced in a staff meeting that he was going to appear in a porn movie.

Five days without food. I had a bout of gastritus (damage to the stomach lining) and never once felt hungry during that time. I was going about my normal routine and felt completely normal otherwise. Kinda surprised by that.

It hurt to lose 1899 just when things were getting interesting.

Genre-wise, I’d call it dieselpunk.