even if its just one goal or dream that you achived and such, how did you do it and how did iy make you feel?
im honestly struggling to achive things i want becasue i tend to dream big so how did you all do it?
I had 1 goal. 7y ago I tried to buy an express ticket to thoughts and prayers but the gun jammed. Good thing too, .22 HP probably would’ve only blown my face off. Made a deal with myself, get better within 7y or try again. I’m back in the gym, doing therapy, finished my degree, and getting to know myself better. Still between jobs but… Hey, can’t have everything. Trying to emigrate but that’s a bit beyond the horizon atm. That’s the next goal.
Dude, I’m glad you’re here.
Thanks! There’s still dark days but I’ve learnt healthy ways to deal.
Sure, there was hard work. A lot of time spent getting good at what I do, studying, and what not. But I’m going to be blunt: it was a lot of luck. Anyone who says otherwise is probably lacking insight.
Luck in having the circumstances where I was able to focus enough efforts and have the energy to do so. Luck in encountering the right opportunity and people along the way.
Not trying to downplay effort, but a lot of comments make it seem like all you have to do is work hard and you’ll get rewarded. Sometimes you totally will. And other times you’ll crash and burn or be taken advantage of.
Step one is to actually figure out what you want. Too many people spend their whole lives chasing after something they think they are supposed to want, and end up further from happiness every day.
My dream has always been a family. Raising children is hard as hell and often thankless, but I have 3 adult children and 3 grandkids now. I feel like it’s my greatest achievement.
It took years of effort and work, but it was worth every second.
One of my favorite baseball players, Shohei Ohtani, has an insane goal listing. He breaks down his goals into seperate steps and individual actions he can take to achieve those elements.
Now he’s an absolute freak and one of the most accomplished humans on the planet but learning about how he thinks is interesting and I think we can all take something from this.
He definitely dreams big! And hasn’t accomplished everything on his goal list.
https://hirokiga.medium.com/the-shohei-ohtani-goal-matrix-df454b5b1482
That’s really cool.
That’s basically a tree structure he’s got there.
Another app I’ve used to make my goal into a tree of subgoals and subgoals and subgoals, is workflowy.
It’s just an infinitely nestable bullet list. Usable for anything you want, including goal planning.
You can just write a goal, then break it down into subgoals. If those are still too big you can put more nodes under each node to break it down.
Kinda hard to describe but you can just keep splitting things into smaller pieces until the pieces are bite sized.
It’s not much, but my dream has been to have an apartment and consistent income at the same time.
I’m 40 and I’m about to achieve it.
I honestly can even remember my other dreams except in the faintest of washed out images.
Joining a men’s group helped. Working through trauma has freed up a lot of my mental resources. I can work more, I’m less prone to escape into drugs, junk food, whatever. I’m able to recognize my feelings and hence can make decisions easily instead of always having to think them through.
I’m a little envious of those who had this stability in their twenties — a place of their own, that they can organize however they like and be alone whenever they want, plus money to furnish it and not worry about bills going unpaid. But mostly I’ve learned not to compare because it’s so damned painful and unproductive.
I’d say fundamentally the way I achieved it was by learning to take baby steps. A year ago I was homeless. I got a job washing cars. Now I’m a kitchen designer and I’m about to get my own apartment.
I wish I had this kind of mental health twenty years ago. But I’m glad I didn’t go another twenty years without attaining it.
Well, I just worked my ass off. Now, I can buy as much candy as I could ever want.
Unfortunately, I’ve lost the taste for it, and it’s no longer as appealing as it was when I was 5.
Dream achieved?
Make smart decisions (especially marriage), take calculated risks, work hard, be nice, cross fingers.
Just pure dumb luck. Being in the right place at the right time. I guess if there’s any takeaway from that, it’s just to stay attentive and stay open. You never know when the thing that’s going to change your life is going to arrive.
I broke things down into smaller achievers and celebrated those achevements.
My achievent was going back to school and getting my AS. I started with 1 class the first semester, then took 2 the second and leveled out on 3 a semester as doable for me with a full time job. Then, I continued along that way until I graduated.
I told myself I was going to apply for as many jobs as I could in the specific states I wanted to move to. Then I applied for about 25 jobs before I got my first interview. They hired me, and I moved.
By holding myself responsible, and by being kind. I don’t want to dox myself but having a reputation of someone who can be relied on and is trustworthy, and of also being nice to have around and to be with, means that when opportunities arise they’ll think of you.
Found a like-minded partner, got married, got pregnant, got pregnant again, got married again, got pregnant again.
So, like achieving the goal twice?
No, three kids was always the goal.
I recently was accepted into a nursing program in my state. It took me three years of hard work in college to get all the necessities to apply. Now it’s two more years of hard work.
My secret however is that I have a family I need to take care of. Nothing will motivate a person like having a child that you now need to ensure they are taken care and have all needs met. There is nothing I will not do for my child.
Before my child though when I did meet my goals, I had something that I would do for myself. On top of determination and drive, there needs to be incentive for completing the tasks, be it large or small. For example after I finish nursing school, I am going to take my family to Disney land or something.
I wouldn’t really say I’m who you’re asking, but I’ve looked hard at a lot of statistics on this. It’s mostly luck, with a big helping of what you were given either through birth or early life, which is just a form of luck if you think about it.
Anything beyond that is going to be a matter of your particular situation, and which things you’re willing and able to change about it. If there was a silver bullet everyone would already use it.
This is honestly why I keep leaning further and further left. I have worked my ass off, and I have achieved a lot. I put myself through school and got a master’s degree and have a decent career. I have an awesome partner and my kids are doing well.
I grew up very poor. My parents were religious nut jobs resulting in a perfect combination of abuse and neglect. My first marriage was also abusive.
I’m angry about what I’ve had to sacrifice and how hard I’ve had to work to overcome so many things that were completely out of my control. I’m also a white cis man in America. So, so many times people have said things to me about women, other races, LGBTQIA+, etc, as if it would be the default view, that there is no question that there is a ton of bigotry out in these systems. And then I think, what would the experience be of someone in one of these groups and otherwise a similar situation to mine? How much more would they have to sacrifice? How much harder would they have to work? Would they even ever be able to get as far as I have?
This makes me even more angry, and I think this shit needs to change.
Determination, perseverance. Stumble and get back up. Our modern world of instant gratification for everything has made us lazy and complacent. You gotta fight that temptation for the quick fix.
